Thursday, December 11, 2008

When is enough enough?

Forewarning....I'm in one of those moods today. I'm exhausted, I'm sore, it's cold, and I've just had enough.

Madelyn has never been a sleeper. I'm lucky if I get two 30 minute naps out of her a day and she hasn't slept through the night in months. I seriously just want to cry. A friend told me the other day that I need to cherish these moments because in 11 (or so) years, she's going to want nothing to do with me, and while I totally, totally want to heed her advice, it is SO hard. She was seriously up every hour last night, excluding the two that I got to sleep without interruption. I know we've instilled some bad habits in her like rocking her to sleep and the fact that she's still in a swaddle blanket but she's my last baby and there was NO WAY I wasn't going to rock her. The evil swaddle blanket...I don't know what's up with that. It's as if she needs it when she initially goes to bed but she always busts out of it at night. I've decided that as of Monday we're going to wean her of that, I'm exhausted anyway, why not add to it. She's going to be 9 months old and I know she's old enough to cry it out, but that is just going to make the whole house miserable, instead of just me. Darik and I have made a pact that we're going to start letting her CIO come February when he's totally laid off work and doesn't have to get up in the morning, but I don't know if I can make it till then! I seriously could just sit here and cry because I'm so tired. I feel horrible saying that because she's such an easy baby otherwise. She's always happy, unless she's hungry LOL, she loves Emma, she's so sweet, she just doesn't like to sleep. I don't know. Pointless rambling, I know there's no answer for me, I'm just so sick of this. Sick to death.

So, Tuesday was my first day "alone" with the girls since my surgery. Darik wound up getting rained out that day but of course went out to the hunt club, so I was all by my lonesome. It wound up going a lot better than I had hoped. I only had a hard time getting up out of the rocking chair with Madelyn, so it wasn't that bad. Yesterday I totally over did it though. I went grocery shopping and lifted 3 cases of water, bad move. It was the first day I took vicodin in almost a week. Tuesday was also the first day that I was really hungry! It was kind of nice to get an appetite back. I still have a really hard time with breakfast. I've been drinking a protein shake because I'm SO not a breakfast person but I know if I don't eat, I'm going to pay for it. Friday is my follow up appointment so I'll keep everyone posted on my weight loss and what's next for me. Wanna see something kinda exciting??

Me the Saturday before surgery...

and me a couple days ago...

Pretty impressive huh?

Over the past couple weeks, I've really discovered who my "real" friends are. I feel horrible for having "abandoned" my tried and true "old" friends but you know, they're the ones who seem to really care at this time in my life. I've totally gotten closer again with 3 of my friends from "back in the day" and I love it. I know everyone is busy and I know that everyone has their own problems but I have someone who is supposedly one of my "best friends" call me just yesterday for the first time since my surgery. I understand you're busy but a 2 minute phone call on your way home from work wouldn't kill you.

Anyway, I'm going to end this now. Mads is hungry, I'm crabby, and I could go on all day, and none of you want to be subjected to that.

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